Could I really write a series about homeschooling girls and not discuss hormones? I don’t think so.
Hormones on their own are perfectly normal, essential part of our body’s makeup. But it’s not really hormones I’m talking about here. It’s the days our hormones go haywire. The days we literally cry over spilled milk. Or go on a rant about someone leaving a door open. Or automatically assume that when your husband says he needs some laundry done that he’s calling you fat.
Don’t deny it, we all have those days. And if your daughter is anywhere near her teen years, she will too. Hormones. Joy of joys.
As I’m sure you’ve found out over the course of your life, though, hormones don’t have to be a death sentence. You have probably learned to control the eye-rolling, door-slamming, what-ever! days by the time you have kids. Or at least have toned it down a little. But then your daughter gets to a certain age and it’s downright terrifying how much she takes after you in this department. All of a sudden, you might even find yourself acting like a thirteen year old as you try to maneuver the murky waters of homeschooling a girl who is experiencing pms.
There I said it. P-M-S. It’s real and it sucks.
Anyway.
There’s no reason we can’t lovingly teach our daughters how to get a handle on their moody days, and at the same time work on improving our own attitudes and tone.
Teaching Your Daughter to Deal with Raging Hormones
First, of all, pick a time to have a nice chat about hormones and the havoc they wreak on a woman’s disposition. I would pick a time when my daughter is not experiencing PMS, and we’re not in the middle of a crappy day.
The three A’s of an Attitude Adjustment Talk:
1. Acknowledge what she’s going through. Be sure she knows that you understand this is a real thing.
2. Admit that you’ve been there, too. Maybe even share an embarrassing story or two. The point is to let her know that she is not alone! In fact, bonding over how crummy you feel and giggling over silly things you’ve done might just be a benefit to going through all this with your girl!
3. Arm her with Tools. Letting your daughter know you understand where she is coming from is good, but it’s not enough. Don’t leave your girl unprepared for the next upcoming battle! How do you handle your rough days? Share your tips with her and ask her if she has any ideas of her own to tame moodiness when it strikes.
Tools to share with her (that will work for you, too!):
Pray. We all need that reminder sometimes. Let your daughter know that God understands what she is going through, too. After all, He created her! Remind her that spending time in the Word and in prayer will help her be more like Jesus. And while you’re at it, pray for her right then and there.
Relax. Take a hot bath, curl up with a good book, or catch your favorite show. Get cozy and give yourself a break.
Take care of yourself. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep and adequate nutrition. Avoid excessive salt or caffeine, these can make symptoms worse. In one of the great paradoxes of life, exercising is supposed to be good for cramps, but I would say let her decide. If she feels she needs a day or two off of PE, then give it to her.
Indulge. A little bit of chocolate never hurt anyone. There are reasons why it is a cliche, and a reason so many women crave it during this time. The more flavorful it is, the more satisfying you’ll find it, and the less you’ll need. So keep the good stuff on hand.
Journal. Sometimes I find my emotions are going crazy because I haven’t really expressed them and when my hormones are going wild, those emotions are more likely to surface. Instead of letting it all out on my husband, I like to write it out. Usually I find I just needed to get something out of my system and then I feel better. And often I feel silly for letting stuff build up for so long.
How to Deal with Your Daughter’s Raging Hormones
Maybe you’ve had the Attitude Adjustment talk and it just hasn’t sunk in yet. Maybe your daughter has had her quiet time, eaten her veggies, had a truffle and written in her journal and still, she’s just burst into tears because you corrected an assignment, then stormed into her room and slammed the door because her little brother made a face at her.
Hey, it happens. I know all these tips myself, heck I just wrote them out, and still I have days where I’m a little snippier than I need to be. Well, that sounds too nice. How about I still have days where I sound/look/feel like a raving maniac? We all fall short, and no matter how awesomely you’ve prepped your girl, she’s going to have a bad day sooner or later. How do you deal then?
1. Set the Ground Rules. We’ve acknowledged that sometimes it sucks to be a lady, and we’ve admitted that we struggle, too. However. Rules are rules and she must still respect and honor her parents. Whatever your normal consequences are for talking back or rolling eyes, or disrespecting you, those consequences still exist. You might offer a friendly warning, or you might not. But remind her that while she might be having an emotional day she will learn to control how she treats you… or else.
2. And yet, be Flexible. Sometimes a little leniency goes a long way. Forgiving her and showing grace instead of instantly doling out a consequence will speak volumes to her heart. You’re the mom, and with the Holy Spirit’s help you’ll know when she needs a firm hand and when she needs you to cut her a little slack.
3. Go the Extra Mile. If you know a hard day is coming up, ward off attitudes before they start. Set up a pampering bath for her. Have tea time and connect with just you and her. Offer to have a friend of hers over so she can have some girl time. A considerate mother is such a blessing to have!
I’ll never forget Coco telling me that she told a friend of hers about how when she entered into a certain phase, I took her out for coffee and had a talk about our bodies and bought a book to read together. Her friend remarked, “You’re so lucky. All I got was a box of pads thrown at me.” Be the mom that goes the extra mile, your daughter will be better for it! And so will you.
I know these are all pretty basic tips, but sometimes we just need those reminders. What tips do you have for handling hormonal days?
Christian Resources:
This post contains affiliate links.
The Body Book (The Lily Series) (Pictured above)
Bringing Up Girls by James Dobson
Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter
You may also like:
A Mother-Daughter Purity Retreat
Mother-Daughter Devotional Time
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Note: This post originally appeared as part of my Homeschooling Girls Series in 2011.
Tina Piper says
great article, my daughter is 9 and I know that pretty soon we will be going through this…could you reccomend any books on puberty for girls? I would like them to be more of a Christian perspective. Thanks;)
Homegrown Mom says
Check out https://www.generationsofvirtue.org they have a great selection and you can search by age 🙂
Carla says
Thanks for your post….perfect timing for me. I have a nine year old daughter and starting these last several weeks she has been what I would call “hormonal”….I thought it was too early for the emotions to start but a lot of my girlfriends said their daughters started being emotional creatures at this age. The other night I said “Hey I need you to spend 5 minutes cleaning your room while I work on dinner” to which she ran of to her room yelling “That’s why I say nobody like me”….huh….where did that come from. Yesterday she decided in the middle of English to start crying because she “has no talents”….which is so not true. I talked to her and spent some time with her reassuring her….but kinda had to laugh to myself when I saw some of my “girly emotions” in her.
Rhonda says
I think I need to tuck this away and re-read it in 10 years.
Karen says
Good post. I will try to use some of your suggestions with my younger daughter.
Kim W. says
I’ve read Dannah Gresh’s “Six Ways to Keep the LIttle in Your Girl” and I’m about to start reading “8 Great Dates for Moms and Daughters”. I have 7 yr. old triplets (2 girls and boy) and my girls are already SOOO filled with drama. With the info. in Gresh’s books and your post, I hope I will be well equipped for their raging hormones. THanks for the great post!
Sara says
HI there! Thanks for the tips, my daughter will be 10 on Friday (double digits!) and your post not only has great ideas, and a plan for strategizing, but it also got me thinking about being a little more strategic about my own hormones. I haven’t always been that observant about myself. I don’t struggle with horrible cramps, at least nothing that ibuprofen won’t handle, and I’m not on BC pills so the timing, while generally regular isn’t like clockwork and I don’t have a case telling me when it will happen. I think I begin to realize that time might be approaching AFTER I have a melt down and wonder why I got so mad! Duh!
I’m with Tina – I’d love a few resources!
Thank you!
Jimmie says
My daughter is a few months shy of 12, so I have to admit this is my favorite post in the series! You got my wheels turning. I’m thinking of a special tween gift pack with chocolate to deal with the weepiness that keeps popping up. Thanks for inspiring me.
divasupermum antoinette says
yes i can see my daughter in that blog ,my daughter is 13 yearsold, and could dowith all the help going,i think understanding is the best advice,i myself was once 13 years old too
Julie says
I don’t have any daughters but I just had to come over and read this…at 40(ish) I still need help with my own hormones lol. Very nice points. 🙂
michelle says
All that…LOL. When my oldest started i bought her a fun little purse, took her to eat and then to the store to pick out pads. LOL
THis time around I have some cloth pads put back. They also get a dinner out and a purse. I have used the same book for all 3 girls and just love it…it’s the Body Book about Lilly or something.
Yes, I’ve explained that we will be moody and tehy are actually doing really well.
Homegrown Mom says
I love the idea of getting a little purse. So fun!
Angie @ Many Little Blessings says
Fabulous post, Angela! I’m happy to not be dealing with this quite yet, since my only girl is only 6. But, she’s still got that sassy attitude from time to time. What’s up with that? I’ll definitely be using some of these tools.
Thanks!
mamaT says
GREAT POST!!! it’s amazing how much just a little extra information helps in this area… thanks.
pepper says
Love this post, something to think about. I have a super dramatic/emotional 2 year old girl and I get the shivers thinking about what will happen at 9 or 10 or 12. I didn’t suffer from pms until I hit my thirties and it’s a beast to deal with, I appreciate the tips. I do have a sister who suffers from major pms and has since she was 12 and she has a specific red apron she wears all day when she needs to warn her family to tread lightly. She says it works out well for them, her kids and husband are more sympathetic and extra helpful and they just know to hang back and let her be on those days. And just wearing the apron reminds her to try and keep her craziness in check because it will pass, it always does.
Anaise says
This post is brilliant. I have six daughters, and the oldest is 11. We are well on our way into those years, and I am bookmarking this post so that I can read it once a week.
Marilyn says
Thanks so much for this post! My daughter is only 5, but I’m trying to prepare for puberty. I know it was miserable for me, and I really didn’t think I could talk about it in detail with anyone, so thanks for the advise so I can be ready to get her ready, if that makes any sense!
Andrea says
You felt the need to read this again because of me. Thank you for bumping it to the top. I’m glad I read this! My heart needed some softening, as I am dealing with a 9 year old who is beginning to act PMS-y. It seems too early but the behavior is spot on. I will be sharing this on Facebook so my mom friends can have a great article of encouragement as we raise these girls. 🙂
Homegrown Mom says
Ah, I am so glad it helped! And believe me, 9 is NOT too early! Unfortunately, it’s becoming more and more average to start showing signs much earlier.
And thanks for sharing, I appreciate it!