Today’s Post is from Ann Dunagan
It’s kinda a weird title, but as I’ve been praying about what to share with moms and daughters for my “little nugget” for this 30 Days of Homemaking for Girls here on Home Grown Mom, the phrase, “Teach your daughters wailing” has kept coming to my mind:
Is “Wailing for Girls” a Homemaking skill?
Before I begin, I think I need to give you a bit of background about our family.
We’re the Dunagan’s. We’ve got 7 kids (5 boys and 2 girls, currently ages 24, 22, 20, 18, 15, 13, and 10, along with a brand-new 22-year-old daughter-in-law). It seems like we’ve been homeschooling for forever (20 years); yet we’re happy when people still sound surprised that we do! Throughout this time, although we’ve always lived in the United States, we’ve been focused on remote Christian mission work, all over the world.
The other night around the dinner table, my husband and I were asking our kids for some parenting thoughts from their perspectives. Specifically, I wanted some feedback from the kids about what they appreciated about how they were raised.
Now it’s funny how kids can focus on the craziest things.
For some reason, the topic of our conversation immediately drifted to how they all were really proud of the fact that we never had band-aids.
Our beautiful new daughter-in-law just didn’t “get it” as she tried to sweetly explain how reassuring it was for her growing up, to know that whenever she got hurt, her loving mother would always give her a pretty princess-band-aid. But our kids were adamant about how they never appreciated sissy stuff like that; although our newlywed son, reassured his bride that he definitely would have liked those cute little princess-band-aids, on her!
Now, you’d think our kids would appreciate some of the big stuff we’ve done . . . like maybe all those years of education, or all our fun family parties and potlucks, or some cool trip they took around the world. But nope. The one thing that stayed in the forefront of our kids’ appreciation was our silly lack of band-aids.
I’m not talking about wimpy crying . . .
Now, I’ve never even had a boycott on band-aids. It’s just that with 7 kids, our medicine cabinet was often all out of band-aids when they were needed. So we just used hydrogen peroxide, toilet paper or gauze, and packing tape . . . and told ’em to tough it up.
As I’ve thought about this conversation (because I was genuinely trying to get some parenting feedback, and because I’m always over-thinking deeply about everything), I think this band-aid analogy represents a very different mindset for parenting.
We do love to help hurting people, especially those who desperately need it, but we don’t have a lot of mercy, at least not the kind of “mercy” that registers on those spiritual-gifting tests (the kind of mercy-definition that just naturally delights in giving-away free hand-outs to lazy folks who aren’t willing to excerpt effort). We believe in training our kids to work hard, to be disciplined, and to be able to take care of themselves. We’ve trained our kids to pay for their own cars, to buy their own insurance, and to work for their college tuition (although we did help them with scholarships). They’ve learned that if they’re hungry, they can cook. If they’re out of underwear, they can do laundry.
They know that as a family, we’re all focused together on serving God. Our kids don’t expect to be waited-on hand and foot; instead, they’ve all learned to wait on others. We’ve always trained our sons to be strong, and our daughters to be daring.
Giving our girls something to really cry about . . .
Our family doesn’t care for crying around the house — unless we have something to really cry about. The other day, our competitive 10-year-old started whining-and-crying about losing a game of Monopoly, which resulted in an instant lecture from me about how crying is for real-stuff — like when someone is dying, or a kid is starving, or when we need to repent.
Recently, I found a weird verse that I shared with my daughter. It’s from Jeremiah 9, and in context, the prophet was talking about how horrible it was that Israel had fallen from God’s ways. The nation was dealing with wickedness, deceit, idolatry, and all kinds of evil.
In verses 17-18, the Bible says,
Thus says the LORD of hosts: “Consider and call for the mourning women, that they may come; and send for skillful wailing women, that they may come. Let them make hast and take up a wailing for us, that our eyes may run with tears, and our eyelids gush with water . . .”
Isn’t that kind of strange? God was calling for the professional criers and the wailing women. There was a need for tears, but a total lack of mourning and grief. Then in verse 20, Jeremiah 9 says,
“Yet hear the word of the LORD, O women, And let your ear receive the word of His mouth; Teach your daughters wailing . . . “
Wow. This verse really stopped me.
I’m a mom with daughters, and I’m always on the lookout for what God tells me to teach my girls. So here, God is saying to teach my girls to cry . . . to shed tears . . . and even to wail. God is talking about big stuff, like rebellion against God, and not caring about sin.
Wailing for the world . . .
As moms, how often do we allow thoughts about the injustices of this world to penetrate into our hearts, to the place where we would care enough to cry? Or care enough to motivate our girlfriends and our daughters? All across the globe, and in our own nation, and right down the street, and (sadly) even blaring into family rooms through televisions and movies, there’s horrible stuff going on.
It’s stuff God calls SIN and INJUSTICE.
Even while living in God’s joy and peace, there should be seasons when the needs of this world should make us so sad, and so shocked, and so ashamed (especially as mothers who deeply care for the next generation). At times, we should be compelled to our knees, where we should cry, and even weep. Yet as women and as moms, most of us are just too calloused . . . or too busy . . . or too tired.
It’s hard enough to just to keep up with our mundane chores and our daily disciplines. We’re tackling unending laundry piles, trying to keep-up with our scrapbooking-goals, and working hard to make our houses look pretty. We’re taking our kids to church . . . and holding our breath through the teenage years, hoping our kids will beat the odds, and turn out okay.
Sisters, I challenge you to a higher calling . . .
Moms, we need to quit striving, and to quit caring so much about what others think . . . about us, and about our homemaking skills, and our motherhood successes (or failures).
Instead, we need to care more about what God thinks. He loves us so much, and He loves our daughters, even more than we do. For both moms and daughters, our calling is to simply walk with Him and to abide in Him, and to follow His leading, day-by-day. As we each draw closer to Him, He will show us His daily divine balance, to keep our family (and for our daughter’s future family) in His order, as He will also show us how to help others.
Please know that I highly esteem marriage, and motherhood, and homemaking. As a life-long, home-based, homeschooling mother, I value the continual investment needed to focus on the needs and priorities of our family and of our children and our home. But I also know that there’s a whole world out there, with so many desperate needs.
Needs that should concern a godly girl . . .
As Christian women (of all ages), we need to allow ourselves to see the big needs of this world, especially those that concern women, and girls, and children . . . like teenage pregnancy, abortion, pornography, the plight of orphan children, child slavery, human trafficking (especially of young girls), hurting and broken hearts, neglected children, and so many unsaved women and lost children who desperately need the love of Jesus.
Many of these are feminine needs that should “pull” on the God-given “nurturing” and life-giving hearts of our daughters. In this next generation, it’s going to take a mighty army of godly daring daughters to minister to these needs. But will our girls even hear about them?
It’s a responsibility of godly motherhood to instill in our girls a heart for the world’s needs (just look at Proverbs 31:8-9, about pleading for the cause of the speechless and those appointed to die, or verse 20, about extending our hands to the poor and the needy). As Bob Pierce prayed, “Let my heart be broken with the things that break the heart of God.”
I’m not trying to put a guilt trip on you, but as women of God, we need to care. Will our girls grow up to be pampered or passionate? Will they be cute, or compassionate? As moms, let’s ask God to give us more of His heart and His perspective. Our little girls don’t need to know all the nitty-gritty details of the world’s horrible evils; but as they’re old enough to understand, we need to teach our daughters to pray, and to pray HARD!
Our daughters can be radiant pure lights . . . to reach a very dark world.
We need to teach our daughters to wail.
Related articles:
Daring Daughters . . . and Dirty Feet Article @ Harvest Ministry
Mission-Minded Compassion Ann Dunagan: Audio @ Harvest Ministry
Women of Courage in a Critical Time Kay Authur: Audio @ Revive Our Hearts
I’d like to end this challenge with a strong excerpt from David Wilkerson, a world impacting minister for over 50 years, who recently died.
Ann Dunagan lives with a passion for the LORD and the lost. She is a homeschooling mother of 7 children (ages 10 to 24), an author, and an international minister alongside her husband, Jon Dunagan.
Homegrown Mom says
Ann, thank you so much for sharing this word, and your heart with us! You have blessed me once again 🙂
Rachel says
What a wonderful legacy your family shall have. You are doing a wonderful thing and you have touched me with your pictures and your comments. Your opportunity to travel abroad and be around those who can use your love and generosity is wonderful.
Mamala says
As I sit here figuring out our monthly bills, wondering how we will ever pay them all–I took a break, and read your post.
Gee whiz–humility abounds.
The stupid choices of days gone by, have far reaching consequences–and although I didn’t think of myself as a cry-baby whiner (after all, we made this debt–we must pay it), your perspective was a whack of clarity upside my groggy head.
We are blessed blessed blessed–and the idea of feeling sorry for myself in light of the plight of so many with so little–has shamed, and yet propelled me.
Thank you Ann. My daughter, the Homegrown Mom, has spoken highly of you.
High praise indeed.
Ann Dunagan says
Mommala,
Thanks so much for sharing such a deep heart-felt response to this article. I really pray for the Lord to help us as moms to instill more of God’s heart and God’s perspective in our daughters.
Carisa says
This is an absolutely beautiful post, thank you for the time you put into this, it touched me deeply!
AnnMarie says
Just wanted to say that I am enjoying the 30 days of Homemaking! Thanks for this great post.
Sarah says
I needed to hear what you wrote today. So much of this resonated with what God has been teaching me.
Jamie (@va_grown) says
Thank you for sharing… I love the idea of raising “our sons to be strong, and our daughters to be daring” for the Lord’s work. Not for being a CEO or beating a world record or climbing a mountain, but for the Lord’s work. I also think you’re right that in our desire to become strong to serve, we don’t become hard-hearted to those in need. Good thoughts here.
Ann Dunagan says
Jamie,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. One thing to remember though is that “the Lord’s work” could be in business, or in athletics (such as gold medal Olympian Eric Liddel, of Chariots of Fire, who said, “I know I’m made for a purpose, for China, but when I run, I sense God’s pleasure.”) I also know several very Kingdom-focused business leaders, and they are doing work, and making money, for God’s purposes.
Pakiko says
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Ann Dunagan says
P.S. My boys also climb mountains!!!
Carol Wagar says
I am one of those people who scores very highly on Mercy on those motivational gift tests (usually 95 or higher). One thing I have learned is that Mercy is a gift – not a weakness as I supposed in my younger walk with the Lord. It is meant to be used outwardly, not as a point of self-pity. I loved your outlook Ann, as one who believes in children not feeling sorry for themselves. When I was young, I guarded myself from people because my feelings were hurt easily. As a young girl I asked Jesus to be Lord of my life. The Holy Spirit helped me to understand that He was able to protect me, and I could let people in because He would give me grace. Later, as a young woman, I learned to intercede – that is when I learned to wail for those who were hurting or in need. Thank you for sharing about the importance of wailing for the things that break God’s heart: the true issues of life.
Thanks for your life and friendship! Love, Carol
Ann Dunagan says
Dear Carol, I SOOO appreciate your perspective!!! It’s interesting how God has made each of us unique, with special gifts that He wants to transform for His purposes. What we may see as a weakness (or personality challenge) in ourselves, or in our girls, may be a strength-in-disguise. I think it’s awesome how you’ve been able to realize that your sensitivity was a GIFT that God has developed into a heart for fervent intercession. It’s also interesting that whether we as daughters “score” high or low on MERCY, God can help us to feel His heart for the needs of this world!!!!
I love and appreciate you, Carol, and your girls!!!
Nikki says
Ann! Loved this great word! We too never have band-aids 🙂 Your daughters are beautiful inside and out!!
Mary Peed says
Ann,
A good word! We do desperately need to teach and raise our children according to God’s Word.
Tanya in TX says
Thank you Ann!
I reread this last night and woke up feeling a MASSIVE
passion to GO. I feel it is the Lord, but I also feel that it is a challenge to go AS a FAMILY! I have always had a “y’all go when you’re grown, I’ve missed my chance” mindset. Now, I feel He is showing me, after the dreams I had all night, and the passion He woke me up with, that it is imperative that we all go soon, while my kids are young.
I bring them to vote because, statistically, they’ll vote when grown if they accompany us now! I saw my whole family ministering in Africa with all nine kids in my minds eye and got so excited, then harshly convicted. I have black neighbors on both sides that I haven’t feel so excited about. Oh, Lord, that You would share Your heart with a wretch like me!!! Please help us, please live through us, that we might glorify YOU and serve YOU and not ourselves! Have YOUR way Lord, in my family!!! All 11 of us.
One last thought, I felt like the Lord was saying (impressing, not word for word) “Go, set an example for the rest of the Christian’s that don’t go because of all the excuses. ‘you are broke, you are a huge family, you ‘don’t’ immunize, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseam, If I, GOD, can do everything else you brag on Me about, can’t I send “The Johnson’s” on a mission trip? You must go, for your children’s sakes, for the sake of the lost, to show so many that if the Johnson’s can go, then anyone can, and for My sake.”
So, anyone who reads this, start praying! Because we’ll need it!!!
Thank you again Ann!!! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your heart! You are teaching me SO much as I scrounge up all of your on-line resources and read your books!
May the Lord HEAP His bountiful blessings on you all!
Ann Dunagan says
Oh wow, Tanya!!! I love this whole comment, and all that God is stirring in your heart and in your family. Especially the part that God us beginning to stir in you more of His passion for your neighbors next-door. I would encourage you to nurture and develop, and in God’s timing to birth this dream in prayer and intercession. Share the dream with your husband, but allow him some time to “catch” the vision, and to lead your family in the way God would have you to walk this out!!!
THOUGHT: It might be that you could start a family-mission adventure with your husband and a teenager or two (we’ve found mission trips with our kids, in one-on-one situations, to be the most awesome mentoring parent/child opportunities). Maybe later, you and a daughter. Then, maybe the whole team on the field together. It’s just a thought. God will direct you, and whenever He calls, He provides!!! Let this stir and simmer for a while, for all of God’s longterm eternal purposes to be accomplished!!!
Susie says
Ann,
I’m so grateful that you not only hear from God, but you also allow God to speak through you.
This exhortation has hit the mark for me, in my heart. It is so easy to cry selfishly for things I’ve endured, or for things I’ve had to do without. But to cry for the hurts of others is to shed HIS tears, and to take action out of a heart of love is to be HIS hands. O Lord, let my tears be shed for the hurting and the lost, that I will take action and reach out with YOUR hand of love.
And let my daughters be “taught to wail.”
Rachel Ramey says
Oh, thank you! I have wimpy, melodramatic daughters, which drives me crazy as I have zero tolerance for that sort of thing. So far, I’ve been pretty unsuccessful at training that out of them. But this has given me an idea for a training tool – next time my daughters are in meltdown mode over something silly, I will have them look up and tell me something the Bible says to cry about. Hopefully it will gradually help change the perspective, and do away with the annoying habit in the process.
Ann Dunagan says
Rachel, that’s awesome!!!
Jamie says
Great Post! The pictures are simply beautiful. Did you take them? What an amazing heritage of young women! It inspires me to start planning now for my young family to minister overseas.
I loved the story about band aids in your home. My dad taught me when I was younger that I could shake off anything. Up until I was in high school, I legitimately believed that I was somehow built tougher than other people. =)
Ann Dunagan says
Jamie,
Thanks for your feedback. It’s neat how your dad instilled in you a “strength” that you have carried through your life.
As for the pictures, I took the last two of our youngest daughter Caela, in Uganda; our son took the ones of his newlywed bride, Anna, in India; and a mission team member took the ones of Christi in Cambodia (she was the assistant team leader of a mission team from ORU, the summer after her college graduation). They make me smile too.
Our daughter, Christi, is a great photographer. If you’re interested in taking a peek at some of her other mission photos (from Cambodia, Hong Kong, Niger, and East Africa), see our DARING DAUGHTERS posts.
Jamie says
Yes, I would love to see more pictures. Thank you for the link! I don’t think I have ever met you but I have heard your name a lot over the years from Bo’s blog and from one of my best friends, Virginia Earwicker. I love your blog! It is amazing that I have never found you before.
Ann Dunagan says
Wow!!! You know some of my all-time favorite people. I just love Bo, and thoroughly enjoy being challenged and taught whenever I get the chance to hear her speak; and Brent & Virginia are some of our most-esteemed contemporary missionary examples (they’re doing such a fabulous work of discipleship and Bible training on remote islands of Lake Victoria in Uganda!!!). So glad we got to connect. Blessings to you!!!
Penny Raine says
Great article! We have 5 non wimpy daughters too, in fact they are hard working farm girls that can put most guys to shame, yet they are soft as butter when it comes to things of the Lord. Yes our daughters need to be tear warriors in the Kingdom!!! A true woman of God knows how to intercede between porch and altar with tears.
blessings, Penny
Ann Dunagan says
Penny,
Wow!! 5 daring daughters, loving Jesus, tender for the things of God, and hard-working farm girls too!!! May the Lord continue to anoint you as a mighty mom for His Kingdom. Blessings to you!!!
Jody says
wow, someone just shared your link on my facebook and I LOVE THIS!!! This is exactly what I want my sweet 10 and 13 year old girls to know! Are you familar with American Heritage Girls? check it out at http://www.ahgonline.org. Service is our number one value! thank you, thank you1
Ann Dunagan says
Jody, I just was taking a look at AHG, and looking at the article about your 25 year history. What a wonderful program to encourage and challenge girls. Thanks for sharing the link. Awesome!!!
Janet @ KY Klips says
Wow! What a challenging article for moms everywhere. A friend posted a link to this on Facebook today and I am so glad I took the time to visit and read. I’m now following you on Twitter.
Ann Dunagan says
Glad you found me on twitter! Feel free to connect on Facebook too: /anndunagan
Virginia Earwicker says
Wow, Ann. Thanks for the great insight. I am challenged to lead my daughter to be a daring, proactive prayer for God’s kingdom and in the world she lives in. What a great opportunity we have leaving in Uganda where there is much to “wail” for. Love you guys! P.S. Got a huge package in the mail today full of clothes for Osanidde. Hoping to get out there soon to channel the blessing.
Rana says
Great article! A friend passed this along on facebook. My daughters are only 5 and 7 but they are not too young to learn compassion and passion for others. I am a Palestinian Christian and I am very involved in educating and advocating on behalf of all Palestinians for their freedom, equality and justice -life under an illegal occupation is extremely difficult for all. I engage my children in many conversations, and I am genuinely surprised how much they do care about injustice in a far away land and at how quickly they realize loving people is infinitely more important than loving things. I feel blessed to know that even at such a young age they have a heart for the people and places my husband and I love and serve. Praise God these things can be learned at any age.
Ann Dunagan says
Dear Rana,
May the Lord give you His wisdom and perspective, as a mother with daughters, and as a believer and disciple of Jesus. For all of us, I believe it’s important to seek God, and to ask Him to show us things from His heavenly and eternal perspective. No matter what nation we call “home” and the current political situations of each of our countries, it’s good to remember that God’s kingdom is not of this world. May God bless you precious sister, and your husband and family.
Louise says
Thank you so much for this. God has been speaking to me so strongly this year about the destructive power of Satan’s lies, and the contrasting regenerative power of His truth. My 5 year old daughter has been repeatedly told, by both friends and teachers, that “crying is for babies”, and it has been difficult to convince her that crying when she is sad is perfectly ok, and far better and healthier than pretending to feel something she doesn’t. Thank you for being the bearer of God’s truth. It’s good to be reminded that wailing is not only ok, but good, right and needed in certain circumstances.
MrsOgg says
I’m so glad I read this while my daughter is still just under 2. It really reminds me that I need to keep things in perspective for her (and myself) especially now that she has been whining a bit more all of a sudden. Also, you affirmed me about a side I never thought a whole lot of but, definitely had not considered a strength. I definitely wail from time to time when the sitution demands it. And just recently heard of a family whose four year old was killed by their family dog. Of course when he heard me weeping in our bedroom my hubby came in to see if he’d done something wrong I told him why I was. He was mystified as usual at my strong reaction to a story from someone’s experience I don’t even know. I definitely think this is a woman’s gift and just another reminder that we are the heart of the home (and judging by your pics the world).
Connie says
Thank you so much for writing on this topic. I have had a great burden for approximately 3 years about this same subject. About 2 or 3 years ago I began a Bebo site on daughters of wailing. I didn’t do much with it and knew I needed to do much more. Just recently, about a month ago, I made up my minds that I must obey God, and my son and I began a website. We are just learning the basics of producing a website and it is still in progress, but can be viewed at http://www.daughtersofwailing.com. My vision is to get as many women as possible involved in this mission. It is a mission in which even busy moms (I have 8 children of my own) can easily become involved in, and minister with their children and thru their homes. I was so awed after finding and reading your article and realizing your burden that God had spoken to you also on this same subject. I knew I must write after getting to the bottom of your article and finding that you had included the very video that I had planned on my son putting on our article! My husband, a pastor, had just a few weeks ago played this very video clip for our congregation and I immediately knew then I wanted to include it on our website. It was one of my next projects for my son. ( I am basically computer illiterate :)) So, please don’t think we are just copying! I am just amazed at God’s workings! Many blessings!
Connie
Connie says
Oops!* Mind *
🙂
HollyBlaha says
I saw a link to your site on pinterest. Your wailing article led me to believe you’re christian… as am I. However, your bee theme and honey and the reference to pioneers and having a lot of kids are all very mormon-like.
Are you LDS?
Ann Dunagan says
HollyBlaha,
Please know that I am definitely a Christian — Bible believing, born-again, and saved by the precious blood of Jesus Christ, by God’s grace. You can see more of what we believe on our family’s ministry website.
Rachel says
Ann, thank you so much for this post. I had a strong heart-check after reading it and listening to the video at the end. I’ve committed today not to lose that focus on our Creators heart that I once had. I am so thankful that the holy spirit impressed this on my heart and that I spent time weeping and praying after reading this post. May you and your family be blessed! Shalom!
Heidi says
I can’t thank you enough for this. This week, I experienced a mother being verbally and physically abusive to her two young (around 3 ad 2) children in a store. My children, the store manager and I watched in horror, helplessly and I eventually burst into tears. The store manager was as shocked as I was over my tears although he told me he agreed with me that she was abusing her children. I left the store with my two young children (ages 4 and 6-we homeschool, also) and they were asking me why that lady was hurting her kids and why I was crying. I sat in my car weeping and trying to share how broken my heart was for those children. As I was pulling away, the mother was outside screaming at the 3 year old who was pinned up against the wall with her finger in his face. I pulled up to her and asked her if I could help her because I noticed she was not being very nice to her children. I had to shout three times to get her to turn around because she was screaming so loud in this baby’s face. She actually engaged me in a brief conversation where she vented her frustrations and I did my best to be compassionate but also encouraging her to be kind to her children. I drove away in tears as she was still angry and I felt helpless and concerned she may take out more anger on those precious babies. I prayed with my kids over their family on our drive home. I had so many “should have” thoughts but all I could do was cry out to God on behalf of those children and their obviously hurting mother. My 6 year old daughter asked me why I had been nice to that lady who had been so mean to her kids. I told her it was because I needed to model kindness to her so that she would model it to her children. My daughter said, “Wow, that was really smart, Mom. That’s a good plan!” I shared my story with my husband and some close friends and couldn’t put my finger on why the situation had made me wail. Your blog post clarified it for me. My heart just up and shattered on the spot for what breaks His. Thank you for taking time to write and share this. It was unintentional but I feel I taught my daughter to wail appropriately this week. 🙂
Heidi says
We are also in American Heritage Girls. 🙂
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Mary says
I just stumbled upon this website and I read your guest post on biblical homemaking for girls. I have tears running down my face as I read each word. I say AMEN to everything you said. All I want for my daughters is to love Jesus and to love others…sometimes in this world of so much technology I can look around at every other mom and think that maybe they need “more”, more baking lessons, more sewing classes, etc. Not that any of those things are bad and I really would love for my daughters to know how to be good homemakers… But in the end…I don’t care if they don’t know how to cook an egg… if they were passionate about their Creator and they loved Him with all of their heart, mind, and strength…and out of His love…they loved everyone else around them…that is truly all that matters. Thank you for reminding me of that tonight. 🙂
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The mission lasted from November 1956 to June 1967.
To take the students to different cultural and historic places for excursions.
Thus youth missions are ideal for those seeking a special bondage with
fellow beings and broaden their work sphere and experiences
through travel.
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