I first heard the idea of planning a mother-daughter purity retreat at a homeschool convention last year, and I knew right away it was something I wanted to do with my girls.
What is a Purity Retreat?
A purity retreat is a one-on-one weekend away with your daughter to have “the talk,” (you know that talk) learn about God’s standard for purity and marriage, and set boundaries for future relationships. Of course, that is just part of it. The other part is awesome fun and bonding time with your girl!
Preparing for Your Purity Retreat
Materials Needed
Essential for this particular retreat is Passport2Purity (Book & CD Set)
What I love most about these CD’s is, all the work is done for you! You don’t need to decide which subjects you’ll cover, and you don’t need to worry that you’ll leave out something important during the talks. Dennis and Barbara Rainey cover it all. And, yes, we found ourselves blushing a few times listening to them! This set works for dads and boys, too, by the way.
The CD’s are geared towards 12 year olds, but I went with my 14 year old and we thoroughly enjoyed each lesson. If you have the opportunity, I would recommend going with your 12 year old. Don’t let her age hold you back, though, if she’s older. It’s never too late! Some of the lessons might be on the young side, but you can just go into further depth if needed.
In addition to the CD’s, you’ll receive a workbook for your girl, a parent’s guide, a passport, and stickers. The parent’s guide is invaluable. It includes checklists for materials you’ll need, suggestions for fun times, and great insight for Mom. The passport you fill in with stickers as you complete the lessons.
Questions to Discuss Beforehand
I went through the materials the weekend before we left, and in retrospect, I wish I would have discussed a couple of things with my husband before we left. It might seem obvious, but there were some questions that came up that I hadn’t given enough thought to. Some my daughter and I worked through together, but some we left open-ended because I hadn’t established a for-sure plan with my husband.
Will your daughter date or will you follow a courtship model? At what age will you allow romantic relationships? What physical boundaries do you find appropriate?
Before You Leave
Before you leave, you’ll want to do the following:
Pray! Pray while you’re preparing, while you’re packing, while you’re planning your fun. While you’re at it, recruit a couple people to pray for you, too.
Reserve a place to stay. We found a very nice hotel near a large shopping mall, which would prove convenient for our fun activity. There are many suggestions in the parent guide if you can’t afford a hotel room.
Plan your fun activity. You’ll find more information about this in your guide, including a comprehensive list of ideas. I chose shopping for our activity. Our retreat coincided with Coco’s birthday and she had money to spend on clothes shopping. That might not appeal to some, but it was perfect for us. We definitely bond over shopping. We also hit up Sephora and Coco got a makeover. Too fun!
Think about ones you’ll leave behind. My little one, Soleil, was 7 and though she understood that her turn would come, I wanted her to feel special, too. I wrote her a note and told her how I was looking forward to our time away someday and included a couple little goofy inside jokes we have. I also left her some of her favorite candy since I’d bought some junk food for the trip. She still has this note hanging in her room, it meant so much to her. I also wrote my husband a note, thanking him for providing the money and staying home so we could do this.
Go shopping for materials. The object lessons mostly require household items, so I just had to get a couple of things like puzzles and a balloon. I also got some of our favorite junky snacks to enjoy.
Write in your daughter’s book. There is a place for you and your husband to write letters to your daughter in her book. Priceless.
Consider a gift. The book talks about the importance of a gift and how it is a visual memory of your time together for a long time afterward. A purity ring is suggested, but it was important to us that my husband be there when we gave her that. When I was out getting materials, I found a necklace with two hearts that said, Mother and daughter, friends forever. I gave this to Coco at our dinner and she still wears it all the time. While an added gift wasn’t necessary, it was definitely special. There is a list of more gift ideas in the book.
Invite your daughter! We gave Coco the retreat as part of her birthday gift. I made her an invitation and wrapped it up, along with her passport to add to the excitement.
During the Retreat
Object Lessons
There are a few hands-on object lessons included in the workbook. I strongly recommend doing these lessons, they are simple and leave a lasting memory of the subjects covered. My daughter and I just revisited one the other day, when we talked about a certain singer bouncing back and forth between highly publicized relationships. We spoke about how part of each person will be with her forever, and remembered a certain project involving nothing but glue and construction paper.
That lesson took a few moments, yet the point is burned in her brain forever.
Celebration Dinner
Coco and I had our celebration dinner at Rainforest Café, one of her favorite restaurants that we’ve only been to twice. I gave her the necklace, and we giggled and had some silly fun. Afterwards, we took funny photos in a photo booth outside the restaurant. Coco still has our photo strip up in her bedroom, and it’s another memory of our great weekend.
An Added Bonus
My sister-in-law Destiny had gone through a purity program as a teen, and entered her marriage to my brother with her purity saved for him. Destiny shared a letter with me that she had written at the age of 14 to her future husband, and offered to let me share it with Coco during our retreat. I have to say, this was incredibly impacting as we sat together and read her aunt’s 14 year old handwritten letter to her future husband, Coco’s uncle.
After the Retreat
I can’t decide what the best part of this experience was. Seeing Coco’s eyes well up as she read our letters to her. Talking about her future with boys and being blown away by how insightful she is. Hearing her heartfelt prayers and being so thankful my daughter knows Jesus. Staying up most of the night; chatting and giggling in our double beds, snacking on hot cheetos and sour patch kids. Walking around the mall, giggling and giddy, exhausted from staying up all night.
Seeing my daughter as a beautiful young woman that will one day make a lovely wife for some blessed man.
Lots of topics we covered during the retreat are things that will need to be talked about more than once. Our weekly tea time has been a great time to refresh and chat some more about these things. This isn’t a one-time discussion, it’s an ongoing dialogue that will last throughout her teens and up to marriage.
*Affiliate link. I am not associated with Passport to Purity, and they do not know I am writing this review. However, if you purchase this from my Amazon link, you’ll be supporting this site. 
Have you considered a purity retreat with your daughter?
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Fantastic post with a wonderful idea! Thank you!!
beatiful! My daughter is only 8, but in the past weeks I have come to realize that the time is slowly approaching and have been beside myself praying for God to help me through this to give me the words to say and to show me when the right time is. God has answered that prayer! I actually cried reading your post realizing this, and just because this is a beatiful idea. This subject is close to my heart and I want the same for my daughters. When the time comes I will God willing, be using this idea and curriculum for myself. Thanks for sharing your beatiful story. I will also be praying that it all works out for your daughter, It is never to late to pray that God send good christian men into our daughter’s lives. God Bless! ~ Brandy
Thank you for your prayers, Brandy! I am so happy you’ll be able to share this with your daughters, too
Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for posting this. I had never heard of this but just this morning made a phone call to a friend to talk about this time in our kids’ lives and how best to keep dialogue open and Christ-centered with all the wrong messages coming from music, games, t.v., peers, etc. Can’t wait to do this with my son and my daughters. Also, I think the author, Barbara Rainey, is the same author who wrote a book with her mother called “A Mother’s Legacy” which I have and gave to at least a dozen friends several years ago. If so, I already have confidence this is top quality. Again, may thanks for sharing. We all need to help each other so we can best help our children.
Thank you for writing about this, Angela! I have heard of this, but honestly totally forgot. My oldest daughter will be twelve this year and NOW I have a plan. Thank you! Thank you!
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Wonderful! I can’t wait to do this with my own daughter!
I have heard of this idea through the book, Spiritual Milestones. My daughters aren’t quite ready for this (they’re 7, 5, & 3), but it’s something I can envision doing with my daughters one day. (found through 10 Days of HS…)
I did this with L when she turned 13 and it was great… I brought books but I realized soon into it, they would be too much for her so we left it at the talk and all the courting stuff she already knew about. I am so glad we did this and can’t wait to do the same with B but she may be younger as she thinks she knows too much already
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Cool, Stacy! Yeah, we did skip that one “optional” section, too.
I LOVE this idea… My daughter was sexually abused prior to us adopting her and now, at 11, she knows more than she maybe should… but still- because it’s a slippery slope (and I never had “the talk”, i just learned through peers, as a child) this sounds like a PERFECT plan!
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Misty, I would definitely do some research and maybe even talk to a trained counselor for guidance before proceeding. Because this program is so firm on what is and is not okay, I would review it first so you have a plan in place on reassuring your daughter that anything that happened to her does not take her purity away in God’s eyes.
I’m sure there’s a way to approach this while honoring God’s standard for purity and yet not bringing up feelings of guilt or shame for your daughter, but it would be wise to give it some thought beforehand so you’re prepared for those moments. I’ve worked with girls who have been abused and I know shame is a very common feeling, so I just wanted to put that out there for anyone reading this!
moms and dads! i have two daughters, 18 and 16, both I believe have been sexually active. both have smoked marijuana. both still in spite of this- have very tender hearts.
please suggestions on how their mother and myself can still have a tender talk about ‘purity’- how does a parent have this conversation– when their young teenage daughter or son- have already been sexually active?
any books to read? please suggestions.
a florida dad.
What a great idea! I’m dreading the day I need to have “the talk” with my oldest…this seems like an excellent way to avoid an awkward conversation. Plus, who doesn’t love a retreat?
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Thank you for the insightful post. I have four girls, and this subject has been on my mind and heart lately. Why did you pick the age of 12? How do you know she is ready for this? Has anyone else done a different age?
During the discussions, they repeatedly refer to 12 year olds. Also, some of it was supposed to be heard before girls start going through body changes. I think every girl is different, and you know your own kids best. Maybe when they start showing physical signs of getting ready to start their cycle, or if they seem to be asking lots of questions!
Hello!! I have a question. I am a student leader at my school and I am planning a purity retreat for males and females. We are highschool students so this program is too young for our age group. Do you have any ideas?
Thank you for sharing this post. I was considering this exact curric and wanted to be sure it was well worth the buy. My husband and I was in Tn celebrating our anniversary when we came across some shirts and rings that highly drew me in. We came home and all we have done is research and research and pray about what to do and when. Thanks for sharing and encouraging words. Blessings.
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I know I’m late to join the conversation, but I love this series! This concept is great. I’m wondering however, what to do with my family. We have two sets of twin girls. Do I try to find a way to make it one on one or would some of it be appropriate to share with their twin? I’m thinking maybe a two-night stay, Friday with one & Saturday with the other, using the day on Saturday as a together time to discuss some issues that aren’t too personal. I guess I’ll have to check out the book and see what would work. Just thinking how to make it “fair” in their eyes!