Are you struggling with something today?

Do you need someone to lend an ear and perhaps offer some kernels of wisdom?

Lucky for you, you stumbled upon this blog today. I have some life-changing advice for you.

Are you ready for it?

Here it is:

Take. Your. Own. Advice.

Don’t practice what you preach? Don’t worry, I’m the worst offender here. The other morning, I was sighing to myself as I started getting ready for my day. Tired already. Sigh. I took my toothbrush out, began to brush my teeth, and sighed again. How was I going to get through another long day with zero energy? As I rinsed my mouth, a conversation I had recently with my sister-in-law popped in my head.

The one in which I pestered her about taking her vitamins. Yes, I pester my sister-in-law. I can be downright bossy sometimes. She loves me anyway.

When was the last time I took my vitamins? I had no idea. I have a vitamin deficiency, so it’s pretty foolish of me to skip my vitamins for days on end. And yet I do. As I scolded myself for being such a slacker, another thought popped into my head. It was poppy morning, I’ll tell you.

Why don’t I take my own advice more often?

I’ve counseled women on submitting to their husbands, finding the good in their husbands when they’re driving them crazy, on finding what makes their husbands happy and doing it. But I’d been slacking on all three lately. And I wondered why Hubby was a tad crabby as of late.

(Now, before you think I am unbearably bossy, I must tell you that I have mentored some women and they legitimately came to me for advice. I don’t just spout out advice all the time, and more importantly, I often admit that I actually know nothing about anything. It’s true.)

Anyway, throughout the week, when I was feeling discouraged, tired, or clueless, I asked myself: What would you tell a good friend to do?

So today, I will pester you all.

(begin infomercial voice here)
What would you tell a friend to do?

Feeling like keeping a clean house is worthless? How would you encourage a friend?

Find yourself getting annoyed with your kids and snapping more than usual? What would you tell a friend to do?

Finding yourself fantasizing about a day away from it all? What would you tell a friend to do?
(end infomercial voice)

The logic for applying this question is pretty basic. We tend to be more thoughtful, generous, and kind when doling out advice to friends we love.

When facing the three situations above, I have no doubt I would tell myself that I am a lazy, horrible, slacker mom.

Yet if a dear friend told me any of the above, I’d tell her she needed a little break, deserved it even. I’d encourage her that she is making a difference in the world by making her home a haven. And I’d probably offer to babysit so she could go get a coffee and unwind.

It’s a fact, we’re gentler with others than we are ourselves. And often, deep down we already know the solutions to our current distress but we’re too busy or too distracted to realize it. Of course I needed to catch up on my vitamins!

So, start taking a little of your advice. I demand it!

Sorry, I can be bossy sometimes. Do you still love me?

Who needs to get all dressed up, spend the day cooking and cleaning to enjoy a night relaxing with friends? Not me! I enjoy girl time just as much as the next guy, er girl, but sometimes I’m just plain pooped with no vitametavegamin in sight.

Know what I mean?

I was feeling this way a few weeks ago, but still wanted to get together with my mama and girlfriends, so I did something radical… Mom’s Night Off! (and I don’t mean radical in the 80’s surfer-dude kind of way, but in the 60’s war protesters kind of way. Did you get that?)

I invited everyone over and because I’m bossy I gave them a list of rigid rules and regulations.

The flyer went something like this: (Actually, it went exactly like this because I copied and pasted it here.)

Mom’s Night Off!

The Rules:
• You MUST wear comfy clothing!
• You MUST NOT bring anything homemade to eat!
• Please do bring your favorite pre-made snack! I’m talking bags or boxes here, people. No prep!
• That’s it!

I’d like to spend some time sharing and praying for one another, and then play a game or something. We could very well end up sitting around talking all night, and that’d be fine, too. Let’s just see what happens!

I LOVE to have people over, and I love to cook, but I think for Mom’s night off, we should forbid ourselves to go all out like we usually do. Let’s commit to only getting pre-made snacks and wearing our comfiest clothes! Are ya with me? (Note: Do you like how I added this in to make it sound less bossy? And I wanted to be extra-clear that I wasn’t just being a lazy slob. Not sure now that it worked.)

Let me know if you’ll be there… Just don’t let me catch you cookin’ or curlin’ your hair!

PS: Snuggies optional

Confession: I almost changed the all caps and multiple exclamation points because I’m kind of embarrassed now at just how bossy I am. But I’m keepin’ it real, yo.

And I’m not going to name names but one of my friends (Elissa) came with her hair all pretty. I forgave her.

Could you use a night off?

Photo by PhotoXpress

You know you need a break…

1. When your husband asks what you did today and you think he means you did nothing all day. Then you growl.

2. When someone asks you how old your kids are and you pause for a second because you honestly can’t remember.

3. When you find yourself sighing and rolling your eyes more than three times an hour.

4. When you’re in a Target parking lot and it takes too long to find your keys at the bottom of the black hole you call your purse, so you burst into tears.

5. When you’re taking notes in church and you start writing your to-do list in the margin.

6. When you put some kindergarten math worksheets in your first grader’s workbox so you can have two minutes of quiet while she does them on her own.

7. When your husband comes home at five and you’re still in your pajamas and he’s too scared to ask what you did today.

8. When you’re so exhausted that you fall asleep while giving a spelling test, but you still stay up until 2am watching Lost and 24 with your husband because you finally feel like you can rest and you want to enjoy that feeling.

9. When you start putting protein bars in the microwave so you can feel like you’re eating chocolate while still sticking to your diet.

10. When you write a blog post called 10 Signs That You May Need a Break.

Don’t ask me how I know these things. I wouldn’t want to have to admit that I don’t always take my own advice. Or that I sometimes growl.

As I’ve said before, getting totally away from everyone does something special for my soul. It just isn’t always manageable. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I was alone and not running errands. And as I like to remind my hubby, running errands doesn’t count.

If you promise not to tell him, though, it kind of does count. It’s all about perspective. Listening to the radio blasting and walking through a grocery store with no one asking for anything… definitely refreshing.

And we all need a little refreshment now and then. Which we can’t always get away to get.

What’s a mom to do? Little Escapes! I have become quite adept at sneaking in little amounts of time to do something that’s not on my to-do list and have a little break.

Are there little windows in your day where you could squeeze in a fifteen minute break? Just think of what you could do!

15 Min. Escapes:

If you’re worried about losing track of time, just set a timer.

Catch up on your favorite magazine, blog, or devotional.

Call a friend for a short chat.

Lie down and daydream.

Put your favorite songs on and dance around.

Watch part of a recorded show on TV.

Paint your nails.

Write in your journal.

Write your hubby a love note.

Sing a few worship songs.

Make a tropical-flavored drink and sit in the sun.

Have a cup of tea, coffee, or cocoa and snuggle with a blankie.

Look up potential vacation spots online. Even if you can only dream about going there someday!

Write a blog post or check in with your Facebook friends.

Take a quick walk around the block if you have older kids you can leave home.

Look at photos.

Of course, since you’re the mommy at home, no break is likely to ever be uninterrupted. And that’s okay! That’s why we plan a get-away-completely break every now and then. During these little escapes, you’re still home and you’re still Mommy. So just go with the flow and know that eventually you will have time to think a full sentence. I promise.

If someone gave you a couple hours right now-just for you-what would you do?

For ways on finding time: Every Mom Needs a Break

I was going to call this Topic something cute, like Refresh or Renew. But let’s just call it what it is. Every Mom Needs a Break.

I hope I don’t have to convince you of this. Every. Mom. I’m just gonna assume that you’re on board with me here and dive right into how to make this happen. If you don’t believe that you need a break, then send me an email and I’ll set you straight.

How? How? How?

I asked myself that question a while back because I had slipped out of the habit of taking time to reboot. I pointed the question towards my lovely friends on Facebook and Twitter and got some interesting ideas:

A mandatory daily rest time for kids while mom hangs out. Alone. Sounds so lovely, and I’ve actually done this a few times. It just very rarely works with our schedule. When it does, I usually use that time to catch up on housework.

Putting the kids in bed earlier and having time alone then. This might work, but it is my only time alone with my hubbs.

Waking earlier. Okay, I’ve done this, too. And that time is strictly for God. Then Facebook. Sometimes, Facebook is the only adult I talk to all day.

Upon observing these answers, I started to realize lack of time was not my problem. I actually get little breaks here and there quite a bit. So what was the problem? The problem is, I was wasting time!

Instead of taking advantage of little breaks in our day, I was using them to get more work done, text my husband, or comment on someone’s post about what they ate for lunch. I decided that I would be more intentional about making time each day to refresh and renew. (Sorry, I had to sneak it in there somewhere)

That means I had to start writing it on my to-do list. Right between giving the dog a bath and taking out the trash. Oh, wait. That’s my husband’s list.

Anyway. Make the time, put it on the list, mark your calendar. Post it on the mirror.

Next, decide how often you need to get away

My ideal would be about 20 minutes a day, an hour every week, and few hours one Saturday each month.

That is so not happening. What is much more realistic is about 40 minutes on any given day. I don’t come close to getting in every day, but I do much more often than I used to when I just let life happen to me.

The magic thing about 40 minutes is that you can watch a whole episode of Gilmore Girls on DVD while doing some exercises if you want. Once you decide when and how you’ll work in your mommy break, now comes the fun part.

You get to decide what to do

I am an introvert at heart. I crave time alone and when I don’t get it often, I begin to get a major case of the crankies. It took me thirty years to figure this out, but now I just accept it. This is who I am. It’s not that I don’t like to hang out with friends, I do. I also still need to be able to talk to people on a regular basis (hence the whole Facebook thing).

You might be more outgoing and really need to get out and be with your girl friends once a week. Maybe an hour alone reading in a library sounds like torture to you. The key is to find what makes you tick. What floats your boat as my mom would say. Then, you know, do it.

I’ll be posting in this category regularly with ideas for what we’re going to start calling “My Mommy Break.” So let’s get intentional and start planning some time.

Do you take time out for yourself? How do you work it into your day?