A Wife to Rush Home to

What a Man Wants

December 14, 2009 By Homegrown Mom Filed Under: A Wife to Rush Home to

What do men want? There are plenty of theories out there and they all pretty much boil down to the same thing. Food, respect, and you-know-what. Maybe not in that order.

Before you can become the kind of wife your husband wants to rush home to, you have to find out what he wants. Sure, you can read all the latest marriage books, but the best way to find out is to ask him.

I was part of a marriage group a couple of years ago and we had an inspired leader who had the men and women separate and write a letter together telling the spouses what a perfect day would be.

I’m not sure why were all surprised when the women’s note focused on things we wanted to do for our husband, and the men’s note focused on… things they wanted us to do for them. It was kind of annoying, but once we moved past that, I learned some valuable things.

My husband said that not everything in the note applied to him, and he was kind enough to fill me in on what his perfect day would look like. I made it my mission to create that day for him, over and over again.

I failed miserably, of course. Because no one is that good for that many days in a row. However, it did bring great insight into my husband’s heart and gave me direction on just how to please him.

Ask your husband! You might be surprised how simple his requests might be.

I’m not actually going to share what my husband said, because that’s personal. But I will share what the men overall said.

What the men wanted

The leader of our group started to read the letter, it was a story written by a happy husband. He was talking about how hard his day was, and how he just wanted to get home. When he got home, his cheerful wife had cleaned the house, whisked the kids off to Grandma’s, and made a simple dinner. The night went on from there, and the happy husband got even happier.

Pretty simple, right?

Sure, this is just one group of five or six guys, but I have a feeling their thoughts are somewhat indicative of men in general.

That note has stayed in my mind for the last three years! Not that I can whisk off our kids every day, or even that my husband would want me to. I’ll tell you what I think it’s all really about.

Preferred and Prepared For

Everything the wife had done in the perfect day letter came down to this: She was thinking of her husband all day, was looking forward to seeing him, and had prepared for him to come home.

Your guy’s wishes might be a little different than what the men in our group said, but I am pretty sure every man would want to feel like his wife had spent a little time preparing for him and looked forward to his homecoming.

That’s something we can all work on. Today, I encourage you to ask your husband what his perfect ordinary day would look like. Then, find one small thing you can do to make it happen.

Related Posts:
I love my husband book
Choosing Cheerfulness

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The I Love My Husband Book

October 5, 2009 By Homegrown Mom Filed Under: A Wife to Rush Home to

A while back, I wrote about 10 ideas for date-gifts for your husband. Today, I want to share another gift idea, this one a little more meaningful.

Two anniversaries ago, I bought a blank journal for Eric. Now, this might have been an awful gift because Eric isn’t a writer by nature but this book wasn’t for him to fill. It’s for him to read. I write him a letter in it every so often. Never as often as I want, but over time the pages are filling up.

In the beginning of his book, I wrote that I never wanted him to feel that he had to read it, it would just be on the shelf whenever he wanted to pick it up. (Yes, that was more of a reminder for me than him!) He immediately put it on his nightstand and declared it was staying there. I also said I didn’t want to feel pressured to write in it so I wasn’t going to try to write every day. (Again, more for me to remember than him.)

Sometimes I will go a long time and forget to write in it at all. He’s never mentioned it, but one time when I went a few weeks without adding anything, he very subtly left it out on our bed. My heart melted when I realized he looked forward to reading the notes. As I said, Eric doesn’t really enjoy writing but one day I even found an entry written back to me from him. Made my day.

On the front page, it says

For Eric

and underneath I wrote out:

I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3

I have determined to let nothing negative appear on its pages. Every entry must be positive in every way. After all, I hope he has this forever! My prayer is that not only will he feel encouraged and built up when he reads this book, but that he can always look through it and see the many wonderful thoughts I have about him on a daily basis. When we’ve grown old, we can both look back and see what a wonderful husband he’s been.

I can hear some women saying…well my husband isn’t that great. And I will answer like I always do. Most husbands are great; maybe some just need a little help from their wives finding that greatness. And really, why not strip away any negative memories and focus on the positive ones?

Honestly, there are some days here in the present when a quick glance through the book reminds me of what a great guy I’ve got. I don’t care how great your marriage is, we all need reminding sometimes. So, great gift for him, but also…great gift for me.

Here are some things I’ve shared:

· Thanks for things he’s done. Both big things like taking the kids out so I could have alone time and little things like reminding me to take my vitamins.

· Thanks for who he is.

· Verses I’ve come across in my daily reading that I think will bless him.

· Written out prayers for him.

· Lists of things I love about him.

· I once wrote a list of all the way he takes care of me.

· Lots of notes telling him why and how I love him.

· Other things that are too private to share!

Other Ideas:

I do understand that this is something that comes easily to me, since I just love expressing myself through writing. Maybe some of you aren’t comfortable writing. You could instead create a sort of scrapbook type journal filled with images and quotes that will inspire your husband and show him what you think of when you think about him.

· Write out a verse.

· Copy quotes from literature that make you think of him.

· Drawings or watercolor paintings.

· Magazine picture collages.

· Photos! A photo journal can speak volumes!

To Get Your Brain Started:

Maybe you have a desire to write for him and just don’t have any ideas. Here are some writing prompts for you:

· Share the “high” point of you day when it has to do with him.

· Write an acrostic poem using his name. Use a thesaurus if you get stuck!

· List the physical features you love.

· Share memories from earlier years. What attracted you to him in the first place?

· Start a list of things you love about your husband.

· Think about the last week. What is one thing you couldn’t have done without your husband’s help? Write about that.

· Does your husband provide for you financially or does he watch the kids so you can work? Thank him for that.

· Write a positive review of your last intimate encounter. (That sentence took me a while to construct. You all know what I mean, right?)

When I picked out Eric’s book, I searched until I found one that i felt looked the most “like him.” The one I found is shown above…I liked the rustic look and the flappy part in front. He was really into these archaeologist stories when I found it, and it looked to me like an old field book, so I knew he’d dig it. If you can, find one that matches your man’s personality.

Remember, you don’t have to wait for a monumental moment to have something to write about. I once wrote an entire page about how I love eating burritos and watching 24 with him. It turned into this whole thing about how I can be myself with him.

Besides blessing your husband, I think you’ll find that keeping an I love you book will increase your own awareness of how awesome that guy God gave you really is. Who wouldn’t want that?

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What does respect look like?

September 11, 2009 By Homegrown Mom Filed Under: A Wife to Rush Home to

Last night, I grabbed an ice cream cone out of the freezer that I planned to eat in bed while watching some Nextflix with my hubby. (I’d earned it, OK?) I walked out of the kitchen just as Eric said, “You should probably get a plate for that.”

“I probably should. But I’m not gonna!” I grinned and walked around the corner, then something in my brain went screeeeech. (Like a record stopping. Did you get that? Anyway). I turned right back around and got my plate. “Of course honey, you’re right.” What sparked this dramatic change in my response?

I have decided to “work on” being more respectful to my husband. You know, I am commanded to do so by the Bible (Eph. 5:33). I felt I had a pretty good handle on this one. I always ask Eric before I make plans, stay within our budget, thank him for working so hard for us. I felt like a pretty respectful wife! That is until I read at list written by Karol Ladd in The Power of a Positive Wife.

What does disrespect look like?

Frowning

Rolling your eyes

Giving verbal put downs or snubs….

The list goes on and I’d highly recommending purchasing the book. I am definitely guilty of the first three. I frown. I am a habitual eye roller. While I don’t exactly put Eric down, I can be pretty sarcastic and kinda sassy when I want to. Oh darn!

I took my smart aleck self to the Lord and asked Him to remind me to show respect to my husband. The thing about asking God something like that is He really does remind you. And remind you. And remind you. Harps on it, even. Not that my head is completely thick. Let’s just say I would not want to be God trying to teach me to knock these things off.

In place of the sarcastic (albeit, funny as heck!) comments, I am trying to show respect. What does that look like? Well the book gives lots of examples. But these things are not new to me. Smiling at him, hugging him, and listening to him, I already do all these things!

On a side note, there is one thing on the list of to-do’s for respect that I had never done. The book instructs me to look at him with a sparkle in your eyes that says, ‘After all these years, I still think you’re the greatest!’ I tried this, I really did. But Eric got the wrong idea and thought my “sparkly” eyes were suggesting something else. I finally told him what I was trying to say and we cracked up. Now I just have to give him my sparkly look and we start laughing.

But, back to the respect thing. What does it look like? I have a pretty good idea. For me, right now, it looks a whole lot like shutting my mouth. All the hugs and smiles and encouraging words in the world won’t take away the sting that comes from my sarcasm.

So instead of trying to increase the good things I’m already doing (though I can always use more!) I am going to keep asking God to remind me to shush! To just stop with the sassiness, sarcasm, and rude comebacks. I might think its funny, but it is actually pretty ugly. Its disrespect at its sneakiest! While it’s great to feel respect for my husband, I truly desire to show Eric that I respect him. In every way.

So yeah, Lord, I mean it! Please keep on reminding me….

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10 Date-Gifts to Give Your Husband

April 7, 2009 By Homegrown Mom Filed Under: A Wife to Rush Home to

Today, Eric and I have been married for nine years. Tonight we’re celebrating by going to dinner at a place where you don’t have to order outside. I’ll probably even ditch my ratty sweatshirt and wear a real shirt for the night. Fancy stuff.

For my gift to Eric, I gave him tickets to a baseball game, one we can go to together. I like to think of things he enjoys when I’m planning dates, and I’ve found that outings make nice gifts. There are, after all, only so many shirts I can buy him.

I thought I’d share some, so here’s…

10 Date-Gifts for Your Man

1. A sporting event: If tickets are too pricey or the event is too far away, find a local league to go cheer on.

2. A sporty activity: What are his interests? Take him fishing, hiking, bowling, golfing, or bike riding.

3. Manly movie and dinner: Go to see an action film, foreign language film, or whatever your husband is into. What kind of restaurant would he choose? Something loud with a game on television? Or maybe or a farm-fresh artisan place is more his style.

4. Concerts or shows: Eric took me to the symphony for my birthday last year, and it was great! Find a concert by his favorite band or a local offering of his style of music. Maybe he would enjoy a play or comedy show instead?

5. Picnic in the park: If you bake and pack his favorite foods, he’ll feel special! If he’s not into laying on a blanket for long chats, bring a fun card game or plan a nature walk nearby.

6. Retro date: Revisit the places you used to frequent when you were first dating. Reminisce about when you were a younger couple and keep the mood upbeat.

7. Plan a night in: If you’re busy, busy, your hubby might appreciate a night in. Clean the house, ship off the kids, get pretty, and cook his favorite dinner. Then set aside the whole night for whatever he wants to do. I’ve actually heard a whole group of men in a marriage group say this was their greatest desire!

8. Take him out for lunch and shopping: Yes, men like to shop. You just have to ask yourself where. Eric would love a gift card and patient wife while he browsed around Home Depot or Rockler. He’d also love a bookstore or surfing shop. What would your guy like? Gourmet foods, clothing, shoes, office supplies, electonics, video games…the list is endless!

9. Amusement park: Ride all the fast rides you can’t go on when the kids are with you!

10. Celebrate his hobbies: My mom took her train-crazy husband to a train museum recently. Look for: conventions, home shows, galleries, gardens and museums featuring his special interest.

Tips:

· If you don’t have something specific to wrap up, like a gift card or tickets, make a certificate detailing what you’ll do. Other ideas: A brochure, a collage, an invitation, or a gift basket with items for your special day.

· Be sure to arrange for childcare if needed on the special day, and even take over the driving if he’d appreciate it. That way, he won’t have to do anything but show up!

· Consider his schedule. If he has to request time off of work in advance, make plans, but let him choose the date. This is when a certificate comes in handy.

· Remember, it’s all about him!

Anyone have any more creative date or gift ideas? Please share!

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Choosing Cheerfulness

March 10, 2009 By Homegrown Mom Filed Under: A Wife to Rush Home to

Something I have been thinking and reading about lately is how we greet our husbands. This seems like such a small detail, but I believe it can make a huge difference in your husband’s day…and yours. This includes when your hubby comes home, or you see him first thing in the morning, but I want to focus particularly on phone calls.

Many couples I know talk to each other several times during the day. When your husband calls you, is your voice cheerful? Do you let him know you are happy to see him or hear from him, or do you start in with a litany of complaints?

This can happen to anyone, but it can be especially hard for stay at home moms. Your husband may be the only grown-up voice you hear all day, and when he calls it’s tempting to let him know just how hard you’re working. Isn’t that why we complain, after all? I think deep down inside, we think our husbands are going to say…Wow! Poor thing, she’s having a crappy day. She works so hard! I sure do appreciate her! I should take her somewhere special!

I doubt this is the case for most guys. Instead, they’ll probably feel annoyed and even resentful. And who looks forward to coming home later when he already knows his wife is in a bad mood? Proverbs says that a nagging wife is like a constant dripping.

Recently, Eric got us a new phone plan that included texting. After we spent a couple days texting back and forth, he asked me at home, “How do you like texting?’

“It’s okay,” I said.

“Yeah, it’s nice. We don’t have to worry about what’s wrong, or whatever.”

Oops. A frequent question during our calls has been, “What’s wrong?” Eric will hear the distraction or moodiness in my voice and for some reason that question drives me nuts. So I will say, “Nothing,” with an annoyed tone, or worse tell him just how frustrating my day has been. When he made that comment about texting, I knew it was time to change that habit.

I said at the beginning that this can make a huge difference in your husband’s day, and yours too. Once I decided to put a smile on my face so my husband could hear it in my voice, something happened. I didn’t just brighten his day; I began to feel better myself!

Not that I had been grumping around in a moody state all day. But the truth is, Eric is the one person I want to tell when the kids are acting up, or I have a headache, or a friend has been rude, or the dishwasher isn’t working, or whatever.

I began to hold my tongue and reminded myself to look at the good side of things so I could present a happy picture to my husband when he called.

Over time, looking at the good side for Eric’s sake, turned into…looking at the good side. The things I was whining about weren’t really all that bad. A grumpy kid is still a healthy kid I love and adore. A rude friend is still a friend that I am blessed to have. A sink full of dirty dishes suggests we’ve had plenty of food to eat.

Ideas for Today:

When your husband calls, put a smile on your face before you say hello. It helps!

First, ask how he is and discern if you can do anything to brighten his day.

Right now, think of something great about your life so you are ready to thank your husband next time he calls and asks how you are.

Do you have a tip for greeting your husband cheerfully? I’d love to hear it!

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Books for Godly Wives

February 25, 2009 By Homegrown Mom Filed Under: A Wife to Rush Home to

When organizing my bookshelf to suit my five fat files, I noticed that while I had only one book on parenting, I have an entire shelf of marriage books. This is probably because mothering comes pretty naturally to me, but being a godly wife requires constant growth on my part.

I have found that there several books that I return to often for encouragement and advice. I once told Eric, “If you see a stack of marriage books on my nightstand, you should give me a little extra patience because I’m having a hard day!”

Here are the books most often on my nightstand:

Power of a Positive Wife, by Karol Ladd

This was the first “Wife book” that I bought. The author’s tone is very upbeat and encouraging. Based on scripture and her own experiences, you’ll get lots of inspiration and ideas to grow as a godly, positive wife. Happy faces, hearts, and flowers are sprinkled throughout J and you can’t help but be cheerful while reading.

Sacred Influence, by Gary Thomas

This book shows how to be a Christ-like influence for your husband. Though the author initially irritated me at one point when he suggests that you take on the mindset of a mistress to keep your man happy, this chapter ended up being the most inspiring to me and it is severely highlighted.

A Woman After God’s Own Heart, by Elizabeth George

I’ve written about this book before. It has guidance from scripture and practical ideas to help wives in many areas. One of my favorites!

Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie OMartin

I love this book, and most of all I love OMartin’s motto, “Shut up and pray.” With stories from her marriage and scriptures, she teaches how to pray over your husband as opposed to nagging him. Sample prayers end each chapter.

The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

Though a Christian friend of mine said this book was psycho-babble, I still believe its premise. I have learned how to better express my love to Eric in the way that he appreciates best…and that never hurts.

Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

We are currently going through this book and workbook, and so far we love it. It is based on Ephesians 5:33, reminding us that husbands must love their wives and wives must respect their husbands. Otherwise, they get into a crazy cycle when arguing. Dr. Eggerichs’ tone is very “We’ve been there, too!” Very hopeful!

Love for a Lifetime, by Dr. James Dobson

I love this book for sentimental reasons. It was a gift from the wedding venue were Eric and I got married, and I stored little slips of wrapping paper from our gifts inside the cover. It is great for a new couple, but also mature couples that want to nurture their marriage. I reread it often and appreciate Dr. Dobson’s timeless advice.

Last but not least… The book I go to daily for growth and guidance as a wife is my Bible! Prayer helps me to discern what God is trying to teach me on any given day.